On the occasion of his new book "Does Man Change?" the child psychiatrist - psychotherapist emphasizes that every change, to be creative, requires a goal, direction and inspiration.

YIANNIS PANTAZOPOULOS 26.7.2020 Source: www.lifo.gr

DIMITRIS KARAGIANNIS IS a child psychiatrist - psychotherapist, director of the Child Mental Hygiene Center and author. "People don't change because time passes. It's just that wear and tear changes them and they grow old and die in resignation. People don't change because they experienced some traumatic events. They will forget them the next moment, without letting them touch them. People don't change because they fell in love. They will become alienated after the first disappointment. People don't change because their CV is filled with many academic titles. Their life will be empty. People change if they decide to be open to new experiences," he writes in his latest best-selling book Does Man Change? (ed. Armos) and with these thoughts I went to our appointment.

I meet him on a warm afternoon at the therapeutic and educational institute "Antistixis" that he has founded with his partner Eleni Karagiannis and where mental health specialists are trained in family and group psychotherapy. In the corridors as well as in the waiting rooms I observe families, couples and individuals. Troubled faces and endless thoughts, awaiting the healing process.

Mr. Karagianni's scientific interests focus on highlighting the uniqueness of the human person, while at the same time he deals with the problems of marriage and studies the conditions of functionality in human relationships.  

As we move forward in life, the bar rises, we grow. During this journey we cannot rule out failures, failures, insults or normal wear and tear. On the contrary, if we place great weight on them, to the extent that they define our lives, all we achieve is to become more miserable and to speak with dismay about human relations.

Just before we enter his office, he tells me that after about 100,000 hours of psychotherapy, he has heard everything. During our conversation he speaks softly and explains, maintaining a soft tone and analytical thinking.

In his research work he proposes the eucharistic way of life as a response to the decay of everyday life and addresses all those who do not accept the compromise of mediocrity. "Seasons change. Times are changing. Places change. The world is changing. But change, to be creative, presupposes the goal, the direction and the inspiration" he emphasizes.

In the following interview, the popular psychiatrist talks about the challenges of the time, modern isolation, social media, romance and love, young people, the soul, loss, about stories he will never forget but also about what he thinks important in life. Dimitris Karagianni's book "Does man change?" published by Armos publications.

— What do you see as the biggest challenge of our time?

On a social but also on a personal level, I believe that the great challenge of the time is the search for a meaning in life. This search is a natural attitude of any restless spirit that is not comfortable in the pursuit of survival. Because we are in the postmodern period, when people are being homogenized and everything classical is being questioned, many people are wondering what is worth living for and what might be after you are worn out. Today, people consume to forget. The biggest challenge, then, is to move into the post-postmodern period and see what will be at stake for the generation now being born, as well as what might exist beyond individuality. However, what counts is to leave a mark, so that the course of your life was not in vain, not to say that your existence was nothing. Also, love is not a moral attitude or a command, but a right to feel much more than what consumption offers us.

— What is it that turns people to consumer habits?

It is a way of escape, a form of perpetual hunger. We consume things, relationships, food, clothing, sex, people. The result is that we can't get enough and all this develops into an addiction. And, eventually, getting to the point where you forget the reasons why you do it.  

— What is the answer to the modern isolation we live in?

First, let's distinguish isolation from creative solitude, which is our inner laboratory for our choices and decisions. Isolation is found where people close in on themselves, disappointed and bitter by others, when they have lost the ability to charm and be charmed. Therefore follows the stage of distress, this narrow space that develops into self-restriction. Isolation is one of the worst forms of selfishness.

— What do you think will be the psychological imprint of the pandemic?

Nice question. There are alibi that follow every kind of judgment. Therefore, anyone who wants to project his psychopathology will find an alibi at every moment to do so. But during the health crisis I saw faces that became better people, families that tightened their relationships and couples that got to know each other better. You know, beauty doesn't make noise. That's why I find the advice given by superficial psychologists on how to spend your time in the middle of a pandemic to feel better ridiculous.

— How can a modern man, with worries and constant anxiety, not lose sight of the present;

We try to define happiness in terms of the absence of problems. But, this is just a childish fantasy. There is no life without problems. Of course, problems are not only negative, they are also positive. As we move forward in life, the bar rises, we grow. During this journey we cannot rule out failures, failures, insults or normal wear and tear. On the contrary, if we place great weight on them, to the extent that they define our lives, all we achieve is to become more miserable and to speak with dismay about human relations. Mistakes are the springboard to evolve and get to know invisible sides of ourselves. Failure can become the reason for redefining goals and searching for a better quality of life. Life's difficulties must be metabolized.

— How does a man find out what he wants to do with his life?

Some important decisions we make have their roots in our childhood. Later, we enrich and shape the identity we acquired as children. The family and social context is a decisive factor in our formation. Therefore, our identity is also the conscious changes we have made over time.

— Many say that marriage is a field of depression, misery and endless compromise. What do you think?

Today, I think marriages are much better than in the past. In the three axes that define a marriage, such as companionship, commitment and sexuality, the situation is certainly at a very good level, in contrast to before. Intimacy, sex and communication are key features of marriages today. Indeed, there are more divorces than in the past, but commitment these days is a personal choice, not a social imperative. In our time, couples, when they commit, do so consciously.

— Do you think that social media has altered human relationships? Have they become expendable?

They have been quite influential, but I don't like aphorisms. Social media gives you the possibility to meet with the other, breaking the concept of distance and isolation. Undoubtedly, they affect the way of "relating", but, at the same time, they maintain the desire of meeting the other. The concept of real contact exists for the majority of young people. I don't see the destruction, and that's because real life dominates. People become addicted to virtual reality when joy, sharing and giving are absent.

— How do you define love? How long does it take;

Love is the feeling that the other person gives you, that's why you want to conquer it. I believe in the amorous person and not in the person in love. In love is he who is in a passive state created for him by another, when you become a projection to the other, a fantasy of the other. So, it's only a matter of time before this fades away. On the contrary, the amorous person is the one who lives intensely and passionately, without being addicted to the idea that there are hours in his life when he may not experience something exciting. The romantic is the creative person. A woman who energetically waters the pots on her balcony is erotic. My friend George, who is a bus driver, puts on Third Schedule and has never had an argument with any passenger. He is the one who decides to bring out the best in others, without expecting others to be nice to him.

— Love what will he say?

When we highlight the person we love. Love is not about "call me when you get there" worry. Love is not defining the other thinking that you are doing it for their own good. In this sense, love does not take the form of sacrifice for the other. He who says he sacrificed himself for someone has never loved. Another person's development is yours too. So you don't lose, you only win. Through love we expand ourselves. Love is a gift that is offered, but the one who offers it not only does not lose it but enjoys it many times over.

— When you are attached to a person and suddenly it ends, how is it explained?

A relationship that does not produce surprise is not alive. Indeed, what you say is something we experience in relationships and at some point one of the two suddenly leaves, as if this shared life never existed. In fact, it is done in such a way as if everything was an illusion, creating, at the same time, a guilt in the other. Anyone who has invested in a relationship, loved and the other person leaves them, doesn't have to wonder if what they experienced was worth it, because it was indeed real. If the other person, suddenly, wants to erase this period of time or it did not exist, then it is his problem, but also a deficit. The one who escaped the relationship unexpectedly, depression awaits him at the next turn. When you leave abruptly, erasing parts of yourself, then you are an empty person. So, non-existence for them is a one-way street because they never really related to other people.

— What is a soul?

For me, soul is the totality of man, where the material and the spiritual are mixed.

— Does non-existence scare you?

Yes. Fortunately, I haven't met her yet, because I haven't lost my longing to meet people.

— Tell me a powerful story that is strongly imprinted on your memory.

Infinite. However, I will mention two stories with a common reference point of loss. You know, I prefer to be accompanied by persons who are no longer there, but until their last breath they honored life. For example, the wonderful Alekos, who told me that he never intended to say the word "why" in his life, maintained that he was leaving full days even if he died at 49 years old. To the last moment I saw him, with a profound wisdom and vitality, he was jokingly saying that we should get a government of cancer patients, because they are the only ones who would not think of the political cost. But also Dimitra, who called me to go to the maternity ward and when I arrived, thinking she was going to lose the child, she informed me that they had found a tumor on her ovaries, which was in a metastatic stage. So, at the time she was giving birth to her child, she learned that very soon she would die. The day after her daughter's birthday she passed away.

— What does loss teach us?

Sorrow and mourning are the healthiest things in human life. Anyone who can't cry over a person they lost means they never connected with them. Loss offers us a wisdom about impermanence and the end. Nothing beats death. And loss reminds us of that.

— What is your greatest fear?

Alzheimer's, when your loved ones suffer without being allowed to mourn you. To erase your entire hard drive and make them unable to relate to you.

— What is happiness for you?

Playing with everything. But the game includes defeats, competition, relationships, friendships, stands. Happiness is a path that has many difficult and demanding moments. Happiness is living everything to the superlative degree.

— What do you consider important in life?

Life itself. It's a gift we've been given and it's a shame not to make the most of it. Bullet is the least expensive option. Refuge in the familiar that requires no effort. But life contains surprises and it is very bad to try to define it with boxes.

The article was published in LiFO print. Source: www.lifo.gr